That was nice of you to point out. I didn't know that information about the justice system. It's great that you have identified a source of power that you trust and that has helped you to shape how you act. You must be a stand up person.

I am not blaming my life on mental illness. I have never asked for, or received accommodations.

But at the same time, you cannot excuse the fact that the why behind the choices made is the WHY. It is, simply put, the reason. You cannot say you made choices without a motivating factor. Otherwise they are not choices. And in most cases, in my short life, there is not another reason why. I'm not making excuses, because the mental illness was me. I'm not making excuses; instead, I'm self aware enough to acknowledging that yes, I struggled and did not succeed. Knowing why will help me succeed next time.


I think it is a symptom of our mental issues that lead us to view ourselves as failures. So, when I get a question about my life, I go on the defensive and think about bad things.

What I mean by cover story is rehearsing (and I need to rehearse because of my propensity to see myself badly) the good things that go into a choice or circumstance. It is not a lie. It is the truth. The next time someone asks me why I stayed at my college, I will tell them many things:

1. I am a first generation American. I have no traditions. I wanted a college with a lot of history that is important to me on a number of topics, including feminism and education for women. And I found it. It has tradition, recognition, and a history. I joined a family.

2. As such, I am surrounded by strong women and a college that devotes itself to the cause.

3. My academic department may be small and not the "best"; however, its small size allows me to leverage their resources to my advantage. I get academic and professional attention one on one from professors. I am writing an honors thesis and can shape my experience. I find myself in a uniquely qualified position.

4. et cetera.

I will not, however, say the following, which are also truths, perhaps the truths that are most personally/socially true:

1. That I was severely depressed and actively suicidal, so I could not muster up the energy for academics or transferring after I recovered a bit and realized what I wanted to major in.

2. That I was overwhelmed by my earlier failures, and aware that my parents did not want to see me beyond supporting my college education financially, for which I am grateful, but could not bother them with these issues.

3. That I was alone, and because of my upbringing, had to be taught to reach out for help from my resources.

You see?

I'm not blaming mental illness. I'm taking the whole picture into account. I think owning mental illness is a responsibility, too.

And, rehearsing a cover story isn't out of shame. But there is a palatable way of framing things for society that doesn't scare people off.