Unfortunately, suicide happens everyday and it's something we are all exposed to in some way.

I lived in a newer small neighborhood that was a culdesac. I would see off and on this boy walking down the street to his house. Then one day there were a lot of police cars and ambulances because he hung himself in the basement. He was only turning 14.

There was a young family behind me where the woman had twins. Then one day she shocked everyone because she committed suicide. So, just on that little culdesac of about 10 homes in what looked like a picture perfect new neighborhood there were individuals that were suffering to the point where they took their own lives. I don't think any notes were left either.

It could be seen as a selfish act, yet it could also serve as a warning where we need to understand how important it is to pay attention to others and how these individuals may be suffering alone and get so bad they get to this point where they end their own lives.

I was dangerously suicidal myself and it's not what people think it is. I had never imagined experiencing that state of mind where it's not a thought but a strong impulse. At the time I was struggling so badly that all I thought about was how it was so bad that it would be better for everyone around me if I was not around to be such a burden. I had enough messages from others, sadly even professionals, that I had no right to value what I lost and that I was being selfish for having a pts breakdown that it made the pts worse and worse. I am fortunate that I came across someone who told me that these impulses that come on so strong come in waves and if I notice they come in, get strong, then subside. I did notice that and at least when these impulses got so strong, I knew enough to hold on until they subsided. I also got lucky in that I finally found a therapist that understood PTSD and helped me slowly make gains and that was a battle that I struggled with for about a year.

Actually, it can be like having a panic attack in that a person doesn't decide to experience it, instead it just comes over the person completely crippling that person. When reading about panic attacks, one learns they tend to come out of no where and can last for 20 minutes until it slowly subsides. If a person gets frightened enough by it, they can experience more. If a person is told what it means, they "can" slowly learn to manage it, or at least understand that it will pass and how it will pass faster if the person learns to be patient until it passes.

A person who is struggling may come across what I have posted and as it did for myself, it may save that person's life understanding the strong "impulse" and that it comes in, crests, then subsides. And, one can work their way past it with help. I know because I have lived through this first hand.

I would not have left a note, and when it's really bad the person doesn't even have the capacity to articulate how badly they are suffering.