Another thing I learned is drug addicts lie about their addiction. I had no idea my husband was abusing his prescription, but I should have. He would tell me he lost pills, he would tell me they got damaged and that's why he ran out so fast. One time he told me that someone at work had spilled coffee on six of his pills so he had to buy more on the street. That's so obviously a lie, but at the time he had NEVER lied to me before, so I trusted him.

A few days before he died, I found his "kit" in the middle of the floor. It had two small vials, a razor blade, and a credit card in it. I confronted him about it, asked why the **** he still had something like that if he was clean. He admitted to using cocaine with his cousin recently but said it was her idea and he only did it once. I, again, chose to be naive and believe him. I made him throw out the kit in the kitchen trash and then take the trash down to the dumpster. I thought it was done with because he said it was coke not opiates and said he didn't even like cocaine anyway. Well guess what they found in his system the night he died. Cocaine and opiates. So much for "not liking cocaine".

A little investigation on my friend's part after his death revealed that he had been using for three weeks (as soon as we moved to our new apartment). This was coming from his dealer. She said he bought from her twice, then tried to kick it again for a week or so, then came back. So the whole time we were in our new place he was using and never told me and even denied it when confronted.

My point of all this is that if your BF is saying he's using xanax "sometimes" and not every day, it's likely a lie. He probably is using every day, maybe multiple times a day. And if he's not, he definitely will be soon. Addicts can't use their substance or choice "sometimes". I'm addicted to cigarettes and I've tried the cut down method before but the truth is if I have them I'll smoke them. I can't control how much I smoke. If I want to quit I have to get rid of them completely. I believe it's the same for any substance. Any recovering addict I've known has said as much. Maybe you start out using once or twice but it always spirals back into addiction. So if your BF is "sometimes" using, then he's not clean and will not be clean until he kicks it completely.

It's not worth the trouble in my opinion, the potential devastation if something were to happen. I know addicts deserve a chance, but not if he's currently using.