I grew up in a hellish life and just wanted a normal life when I was grown. I'm 60 and am slowly realizing that I will never have the life I wanted, the life I thought I had. My son is clinically delusional, he hates me. He's told me he's never loved me. He physically attacked me and now I have moved out of state because I don't trust him but even more difficult I can't help him. I don't see my grandchildren. Their mother doesn't want anything to do with me. And I'm not even sure it would be good for my grandsons to see me given how their father thinks about me. It's only now that I am having to really sum up what my life is. I want to run further away but that's not the answer. I think I have to start redefining my life going forward but I have no idea what I want. Maybe a relationship and maybe not. I think I feel sadness and heartache but at the same time I feel nothing. But my dog has to poop so I guess I should get up and walk him. Thank god for my dog.