disparaissant,
I have become increasingly aware throughout this thread, you are not ready to look at this man's behavior for what it was (maybe still is bc I am not entirely sure you put him out of your life given your statement of how lucky you are...) Unfortunately, until you are ready to look at it, you are going to notice more and more changes in you that you won't like about yourself, and others that others will dislike about you. Even if you do let him go, until you see the behavior for what it was and then look at yourself and figure out how to strengthen those parts of you that are "needy" and reaching out toward dangerous people, you will find this is a continuous thing in your life. You won't consciously look for it, it will just "seem to find you".

Honestly, it isn't a lonliness factor that keeps people in abuse. It is a deep-rooted fear. That fear doesn't only extend to self - but to pets, children, even the abuser sometimes (the abuser may threaten suicide if victim leaves). But, you still have to make the call, when is enough really enough?

He already started being physical with you. Yet you still say you are blessed to have him in your life. Is he still in your life now? If so, you need to set a definitive "line" in your head that he cannot cross or you definitely leave. I have difficulty believing you would have believed it ok to leave 16yr old unruly boy alone for days at a time under normal circumstances. Did you do that with your older son? These are the types of changes (if indeed it is a change, since I admittedly do not know you well but am giving you benefit of a doubt) I was talking about earlier. Please consider things carefully.

Love is not abuse.