Yes you could be right. My Christmases as a child were definitely steeped in religious and family traditions. A very magical time of year. We were not a large family awaiting the arrival of family for the holidays. However, there were certain tasks and rituals (for lack of better word) performed only at that time of year.

I'm also aware the memory (what little is left) has embellished upon the actual events. Life was not the celebration I remember. So year after year I experience these feelings of tremendous loss. The reality of adulthood comes even more into focus.

I'm sorry your current episode is so much more severe and longer in duration than in the past. If a frog of little brain can help ease the pain please let me know.

Hold on. Search deep within yourself and take some comfort in knowing this episode will eventually subside.