Started feeling really down again today and not really sure what caused it or started it. I was so restless and down at my place in the morning that I went to take a shower and just spend about an hour sitting with the water running over me.

I had a yoga class to help with in the afternoon that I went to, and that was fun and helped distract me for a bit. But I had to leave early as I had to get my kid to watch for the night. Right away he was acting up and giving attitude, and it got me upset. It kept going and felt like something just snapped inside of me.

I place him in time out and had to get away, because I felt so mad and hurt at the same time. That somehow life feels so unfair, being felt so unwanted and having to, as sad as it sounds, to deal with my kid day in and day out when I have him, never a good day between him and I. He has a spectrum of autism and is also likely to have ADHD, but it is hard to diagnosis since he is still very young.

Right now the only thing I want to do is just run away from everything, I hate the fact that I have a child.... and I can't even say some of the time.... it's almost all of the time. I love him but with him and feelings of hurt I have had from others, it becomes too much for me and I just want to get away from it all, from the responsibilities and not feel like I am somehow trapped and have to take care of anything.

I just wish I knew how to cope with all of this....