My husband has cptsd, too. He's always had an anger issue. He's always had addiction issues. He can be mean, obnoxious, very unreasonable, and scary. It's difficult, because when he is triggered, I feel like a hostage negotiator. When I am displeased with his acting out, and try to enforce boundaries, sometimes he acts in a way that makes me hate him...like just now.

truly, I am sending a reasonable message to him, but it's about his unreasonable triggered behavior, which makes me unreasonable to think that he will listen and care, and be able to control himself. I can't excuse his behavior, and he doesn't like that. It all escalates. Eventually, I told him I'm done with him if he acts like this. I told him I don't care anymore. It's not true that I don't care, it's true that I don't care to fall for his manipulation. But that didn't come out clearly in the moment. I'm done having to be submissive to triggered behavior.

Still though..somewhere in me I'm blaming myself. Thinking I must've done something wrong for it to have turned out like it just did.

It's hard to know what to think about it. I feel torn, and sad. I can only hope that he'll take ownership, and choose to get back on the path.