Ok, so here's my background for reference:
I'm in my mid-late 30's, on my 2nd marriage, 2 kids pre current marriage, 1 step child through the current marriage. Very happy with my husband, we are eachothers soul mates etc.

My dilemma:
After my 1st very short marriage dissolved (exploded, whatever), and before my current marriage (roughly 10 years), I had dated and dated and dated, finally resolved that all this romantic stuff everyone talks about is bs, no one ever finds "the one", soul mate, etc, and had resolved to just enjoy my life of being forever single, do whatever made me feel good (sexually/romantically). My now husband had also resolved the same thing. So we were both pretty much just out doing whatever and whoever we wanted, not allowing ourselves to get all attached because it's useless and pointless since everyone always cheats or dumps us or goes back to their ex for whatever reason, we were always being dumped on. Fast forward, we met eachother and OMG, all those resolutions of disbelief were shattered, for both of us, at the same time. We get married, YAY!
Marriage doesn't change him, who he is, how he acts, his sex drive or sexual wants and needs. Me however, somewhere in the mix of all that my brain made a clear divide between what I did while dating (even dating my hubs pre-marriage) and what is acceptable sexually now as a married woman. This includes the frequency, sexual acts, flirtatious acts and touches, all of it. The only way I've been able to make sense of it to myself is: knowing that my personal thoughts about myself, my self image, while single/dating was that I was slutty or whorish, that there's a part of my mind that believe that those acts/frequency etc are "not what married women do". Don't ask me where I got the idea in my head that a married woman does not give her husband a blow job, cus I don't know either. This mental divide of what is and isn't acceptable in bed with my husband as a married woman is causing us some serious issues and arguments. I feel pretty horrible, and at times feel like I'm a bad wife. I know my self-made ideals of marriage and sex are illogical, I know this. I know that every person is different, and every marriage is different, thus whatever he and I are both comfortable with is what is important. I am not comfortable with myself thinking and acting the way I do. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I've thought that maybe I should sort of push forward with some of these things that I normally did/acted while I was single, in a fake-it-til-you-make-it way of reprograming my thoughts on the whole thing. I'd really like to hear back though about this, I'm hoping someone has something to contribute that will help me better understand whats going through my head, and maybe there's a magic word or phrase that will give me some a-ha moment.
Thanks in advance for taking the time to read and reply!