Thx for all the answers. I am at a so called crisis station and can use my phone while IP. Don't really get whats going on, falling in love triggered me so hard, i am crying my eyes out even though the guy seems to like me back in his own manner, i feel so rejected and lonely and that nothing makes sense. I want to dissolve, cease to exist (no worries i am not suicidal just very depressed). Nothing is fun anymore, life seems so useless to me and i wish i had never been born. I feel like a failure, i disgust myself and i dont ever want to feel again, ever.