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Originally Posted by Moment
I assume I have "attachment issues" although it has never been explicitly described as such by my therapist. He has described a "push-pull" dynamic with me, however, and that's the classic "come here -- go away" style of people with fearful attachment issues. Which would make sense given my background, I guess.
Basically I am "working" on this by recognizing that I am actually the one doing the distancing in my adult relationships. I try to face up to how I isolate myself from loved ones that I say I want to be close to. I am trying to intentionally let them in a little more even when my instinct is to put up a wall.
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Similar for me. The push/pull tendency has driven nuts quite a few people in my life over the years (including my parents!) but it has also intrigued and drawn in just as many, often the same people that get frustrated, but the overlap is not perfect.
In my case and experience, I often feel that the push/pull is actually related to two main values in my personality, rather than classic fear of attachment/intimacy per se. One very major defining feature of me, on the one hand, is being fiercely independent, having a very strong sense of personal desires, purpose, values etc. Meaning that I want to discover, carve out, and experience my life the way I want, on my own terms, in my own time. My entire track of life choices have been very much in line with this drive. But on the other hand, I also intensely desire company, understanding, deep intimacy (often to the level of feeling to merge with someone based on similarities in interests and values) and, when I am in a mentally healthy period, I actively seek out such companionship and people, and really cherish very close intimate relationships. Not afraid of them/it at all. For me, it's more having these, sometimes seemingly two polar opposite drives. And both can be equally strong.
Is this an issue with attachment? Supeficially, I usually think it is... but not really sure. Can anyone relate?