hi
i'm new
i'm not sure i am posting on the right forum.........
i was abused in all forms from when i was young as i remember i got took into the 'care system' when i was 13.......
my mother and stepfather went to jail for the abuse.......
i never seen them since
i moved around alot in care from foster homes to kids home.
this forum says 'survivors of abuse'........

well what it is is i'm not a survivor........ i'm 27 now i take alot of meds and am known to the mental health system.......
i cut myself (anywhwere & everywhere) daily........
i attempt suicide quite alot (9 times since feb) cant even do that right...........
i dont go out due to anxiety, i am frightened that people can see me and think that i'm discusting...... i'm frightened that one day my parents will find me and i will be 'their dirty little girl' and 'punchbag' again

so i guess i'm not on the right forum am i???
cos i want to die so badly
i cant live with the memories and the nightmares
i blocked everything out for so long and now its like it has allcome back to haunt me........
and i dont cope with it
i cant
i cant look in the mirror
the flashbacks make me throw up
i'm frightened of sleeping
i'm frightened of everyone and everywhere

so i'm guessing this is not the right board for me is it?
because im not surviving.......

i need to die so badly
it is so hard