Of course it is a fantasy. It is, in my mind, what would be the case in a ideal world. I forgot about the obvious main part, the religious aspect, but to me personally, that but isn't as important.

I am in a good place with my T, thank you, except that I can't be that open, vulnerable, free flowing with her. I think I am trying to find ways of thinking that will help, because I want to be able to be that way.

It was only in my darkest times that I would have wanted someone to reach out to, because I felt that there was nobody. Each possible person had reasons attached why I could not, and if I had known my Godparents then maybe I would have had someone, because I might have seen it as their responsibility. One they accepted years before.