That is great advice above.

I think, metalchick, you are having enormous difficulty facing that the love between this guy and you is over and you need to sever this. You think you need him. But he doesn't come through with what you need from him. I read your other thread about the electricity getting shut off - multiple times - because he didn't pay the bill. He's just driving you nuts, but you're afraid to bring this to a close. So all these fears you verbalize are really just lame excuses.

I believe this is hard and painful for you. You can just let him hang around and continue to sponge off of you. That's really what he wants you to "comply" with. He doesn't want to have to pay rent on an apartment. He won't leave your house, unless he finds another sugar-mama to give him a free place to live. And you know he sees other women. He's terrified of you getting a court order for him to pay child support, which you can do. You know that. So you know he's not leaving, unless you throw him out.

Either let him stay, or get a court supervised separation, with terms specified by the family court. But stop making this about you being afraid of his threats. You know in your heart his threats are empty threats. He has no real power. Maybe the kids are fond of him. If that's a reason to let him leech off of you, then keep him there, if you want. But you don't have to. It's for you to choose.