Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio
So a bit more about what's going on inside me that led to this question...
I've been opening myself up to different internal "voices", letting them talk. In the process, I have found distinct portions/parts of myself.
The little boy/child (sometimes a boy, sometime genderless) - age roughly 4. He seems to hold joy, hope, love
The older boy - age roughly 10-12, definitely a boy, he is structured, rule based, distant, emotionally cold, doesn't want anything to do with anyone, precise, neat, ordered, perfectionist, Violent ideation come from this place.
The younger girl - age roughly 11-14, definitely a girl, romantic, critical, emotionally explosive/reactionary
Critical voice don't know where that comes from.
There is an I in there that is different than these.
So yeah, the internal family systems sounds like a good possibility. It is just odd that they hold significantly different traits, genders, emotions.
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I basically have internal "me"s sort of frozen at various trauma stages. We all shapeshift into wolves in my internal world ( my totem animal--- I went through a stage as a traumatized kid whete i refused to accept myself as human and spoke only in growls, Howling and body language.. this related to my early spiritual teaching )....so depending on how scary things are, the younger me s may or may not be human at any given time. In extreme duress they will only howl and bite. I only address us as we if I am dealing with trauma, spirituality, or my sense of safety. My job, relationships, and adult life I consider MINE as in belonging solely to me as an adult.
It's strange, like did sort of but i don't dissociate. There is no struggle for control. The internal me s want to hide in my internal world not engage with the outside. They only want to engage with me or each other and are never intrusive . We discuss things late at night, in meditation, etc.
My T does say some level of integration may be a goal, but it depends on how things progress. The fragmentation to me actually enhances my well being as its like my own unbreakable internal family. If it is helpful then my T says integration may not be desirable..