Could be that when you were dating and didn't feel that you would ever find your "soul mate" or even that a soul mate was a real concept, you felt like a free spirit and acted as such (and that is fine). Now that you are married and in the sort of relationship that you didn't feel was possible, that you are trying to act the part of the "prim and proper" wife and mother.

There is always a bit of dichotomy about sex, you want to have a fulfilling sex life, whatever that might mean to you, but for most people they don't want all the details of their sex lives fully out in the open.

I may be way off, but either way it seems like something a good therapist could help you with.