That was the code of my youth! I wasn't in therapy back then so did not experience it that way, but with teachers and other mentor figures. There was also a lot of acting out, and that was how I'd learned to separate the two. For example, I got engaged in romantic/sexual relationships with some of those people, thinking that that's what I wanted - until the actual act happened, or even just a clear possibility of it. Often, then I experienced a strong aversion and felt like "wtf am I doing here?" How I learned that I did not really want to get involved with them in that way, it was more a reaction to a fantasy that really only existed in my mind and I projected it over and over. I often wonder how it might have been like to experience those things in therapy back then. Either some intense internal pain I guess or, if with an unethical T, probably one of those disturbing acting out stories.

Actually, for me, what I confused with erotic transference was a very personal identity search and attachment to an internal defensive value system, not so much to other people. The latter drove the ET for me for a long time, I think I'd projected that system onto those people, who clearly shared certain characteristics.

I actually often wonder how much of our so-called interpersonal attachments are genuine attachments to other people, and not some form of self-projection.