To be honest, I have no idea.

I mostly am ashamed by it because everyone else I know who is my age or older has had all this experience. i think having a relationship with real love/affection might be great but with my issues getting close to people, the idea of being affectionate with anyone freaks me out.

I think I would love to be able to say I've at least kissed a guy and gone on a date. I feel those are experiences I'd like to have but they don't bother me to the point they ruin my life. I've gotten used to living this way so it's just normal to me. Sex is here or there, I feel like without ever moving past my issues of getting close to people, it could never happen anyway but I also feel like my drive for sex is dying LOL. I am so not sure, I mean yes and no, I want these things for the experience but not to a point that I'll die without them if that makes any sense

And it's good to know you kind of relate to my situation.

I mean my therapist is marriage/family so I'm sure he has discussed sexual issues before but it still feels so weird to me and not just because he is male, I think I'd feel this way with a woman as well.... I just feel weird at my age saying these things, I feel like at the very least, I should of at least had a kiss by now. It's horrible embarrassing and It makes me feel stupid.