Saw my pdoc and T today. I have been very depressed the last week and mildly before that. My pdoc saw me for 10 minutes and asked me to lower my Lithium as it is very high. He said some of the flatness could be due to the Lithium. If that doesn't work he wants me to increase my fluoxetine (Prozac). Last time it was increased I went into a agitated manic state so I questioned that but he thinks that because I am purely depressed this time (I was in a mixed state when it was increased last time) I shouldn't have the same reaction. I felt he wasn't taking my depression seriously and was in a rush.

My T (who can prescribe meds in the USA but not here) said he didn't understand the Lithium idea, it would help some but not alleviate the depression. He also thinks I should increase the fluoxetine immediately, especially as if I wait and increase it on the weekend I have less support should something go wrong. Had a great chat to my T who encouraged me immensely.

He can see I am deeply depressed and says that going from one severe psychotic episode to a small break then a severe mixed episode, both lasting more than 2 months each has worn me down and it will take months to recover even if I don't have an episode. He said I am doing amazing to keep studying and that I should not go back to work until I feel stronger as last Sunday clearly showed as I had to leave work early due to being overwhelmed.

And yes, i am totally overwhelmed by life and everything. I have SI and feel like I am drowning as I am close to panic most of the time. I don't know how I going to get through the last 3 weeks of semester. I always seem to get through but this is different. Bipolar has crushed me so I am extremely fragile. When will this end? I go from episode to a small break(month or two) then another episode, and major episodes too. I feel hopeless. I will keep fighting but I don't know if I can win this one.