Quote:
Originally Posted by Olive303
As someone who has stuffered through trauma in both childhood and again in my late teens I have had huge trust issues, especially with males, so maybe somewhere deep down inside of myself I will always wonder if everyone in my life would hurt me. My inquiry on this forum is mostly questioning if it is my own paranoia, my families worries, or valid red flags that have lead to this feeling of uncertainty with my boyfriend. Which is to say questioning what is "normal".
We have taken the first step of talking it through in a calm, open, and understanding way. Now he needs to take the next step of doing something about it.
|
Regarding the bolded above:
I think it's natural to question people's trust, if you have abuse in your past. I still question people's trust, due to my own past abuse. And I'm in my mid-40s, and have done therapy for the past abuse and trust issues. What I've concluded is this: trust needs to be earned, not freely given.
And your concern over your boyfriend's anger could be tied to all three outside influences; your family's concern, valid red flags you've seen from his behavior (the sulking, the silent treatment), and your own intuition.
Now that you've had an open discussion with your boyfriend about how his anger effects your relationship to each other, it really is up to him to change. If he chooses to sulk and give you the silent treatment after an argument, which is not a healthy way to express anger, then it's up to you to decide if you want to stay with this man and have children with him, or to end the relationship now, after just two years, and eventually try to find someone who expresses their anger in a more healthy way.