Hi !

That one is tricky.
Throughout my life, I have faced events shaping my beliefs. I grew in a good family despite the attention that were given to my younger brother due to him being bullied at school. I also grew up with a father that would compliment other women's beauty but never his own wife. He'd mention how he'd like to see that and this woman naked.
Beside this, I have been sexually abused and harassed twice by a cousin of mine and once by my first "boyfriend".
I mentioned these for details but I own up my current behaviour and feelings. They are my responsabilities and I want them to change desperately.

My beliefs are strong concerning objectification of women and graphic nudity. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate these beliefs and I value them a lot. However, it creates diverse feelings and behaviours that is ruining my sanity and my life. My relationship.

My boyfriend is far from being a macho. He is a feminist. He doesn't like objectification of women either and does not even seek it. I don't know why my jealousy, anger and disgust grew that much toward things I and he cannot control.
I tend to control and avoid things such as videos, movies, places that may contain/feature objectified women (scandily clad women, naked women). I even think about it daily and I feel I'm loosing my mind ; I get anxious to go somewhere and get obsess by these thoughts. What if? What if there is this? What if my boyfriend sees it?
My boyfriend told me that it ruined his feelings of discovery, that he doesn't seek it but if it happens because he clicked on a YouTube video, he doesn't want to feel bad about himself or a mood change in his girlfriend.
I don't seek help for him, though. I do feel hopeless and exhausted. I feel stuck and powerless. I feel unhappy.

The tricky part for me is not abandoning my beliefs but not reacting to them the way I do. Not making it an obsession. Being able to handle and to not get frustrated if something popped up on TV. I don't want to feel threatened.