Quote:
Originally Posted by ElsaMars
Yeah, and I too feel my delusions do not effect others. The others disagree and I've been detained against my will for thinking things equivalent to every person attending church on Sunday. I'm a mad women they say.....all I know is I might never make it out alive if it happens again. I think my delusions are real, people disagree. They say "perhaps if you had a lot of money or were famous i would believe you" explain my life I say. Explain what has happened....all that's been robbed and stolen from me. Why people attack. Self fullfilling prophecies they say. Okay, I've read about those and I see what you're getting at, I've done it to myself. I'm too quiet so they attack. I start talking more, trying to bond. You're too loud they say and you talk too much and nobody cares. Ok, something in the middle is needed perhaps. In the middle I'm told "you're not as perfect as you think you are" I never thought I was perfect, I'm still doing it wrong. How do I win? When will they stop threatening and attacking me? Am I mentally ill and imagining all this? No they say, not all of it, just some. Then I'm not mentally ill, I'm being attacked. You're mentally ill they say, take your meds and stop being a brat. I'm done.
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I'm so sorry! I can relate. How can a shower not be the equivalent to a baptism for instance? Same concept; same process. Why does that make me crazy? It is a vicious cycle yet my pdoc always asks if I am having those thoughts and I know exactly what she is talking about.
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*****
Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
Tori Amos ~ Crucify
Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
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