I've been to a couple of BDSM munches. They were nice people but I just didn't feel a connection. I've also been to a polyamory group and enjoyed it. Unfortunately my work schedule gets in the way of attending more meetings.

lt's been my observation that people in the organized open community are very into vocabulary and categorization. Indeed, these can become the subjects of heated debates. I assure you that as a database programmer I like definitions and categorizations too, but it seems to me that these issues sometimes become walls instead of bridges.

I suspect that the "underground" I talk about isn't so organized or open. I feel certain that there are couples all around me that just enjoy having extramarital fun and aren't interested in organizing into a group. That’s really the underground I want to find.