While yesterday i basically wanted to take a fast step out of the train of life i am feeling better today. The other patients are amazing and it is good to talk to them. Now i have escaped to my room because it is easy to think you are doing fine when never alone. I isolate every now and then to check if the pain is still there and i am glad to find it is. That means my doors are still open and i can work with it, dive down into the ugly memories and fish them out of the mud one after the other to feel through them and hopefully to some content let go in the end. I will be going home on sunday and hope to meet up with that guy to say what i have to say to no longer stay in my passive position of a lonely child begging for love. If he really likes me it will be okay and if not i will move on.