Oh WC, my heart breaks to read your story. You are far from a failure....so far from it it's not ever something you should think. Not for one second. I too feel I'm letting my family down. I know how it makes the heart ache. I want so badly to improve....for my parents to see me doing well before it's too late. For them not to have to worry about me and be at peace.

Does working with your doctor and exploring these fears or not getting better help you WC? I tend to not look at my reality too close, I hide behind a facade of "it's okay" even when it's clearly not. I need to live in reality maybe, or maybe not. Fake it till you make it I've been told. It seems a lot more complicated than that.

(((WC)))