Quote:
Originally Posted by ElsaMars
Oh WC, my heart breaks to read your story. You are far from a failure....so far from it it's not ever something you should think. Not for one second. I too feel I'm letting my family down. I know how it makes the heart ache. I want so badly to improve....for my parents to see me doing well before it's too late. For them not to have to worry about me and be at peace.
Does working with your doctor and exploring these fears or not getting better help you WC? I tend to not look at my reality too close, I hide behind a facade of "it's okay" even when it's clearly not. I need to live in reality maybe, or maybe not. Fake it till you make it I've been told. It seems a lot more complicated than that.
(((WC)))
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Thank you, Elsa. You are very kind.
"Does working with your doctor and exploring these fears or not getting better help you WC?"
I have done my best to avoid these thoughts and any conversation on the topic with him for years. Just 5 months ago, I'd asked him if he'd write a letter of recommendation for work to voc. rehab. Talk about denial! (He did not say yes or no.)
When this topic became unavoidable by dogging my own mind over the past few months, it has been helpful to have someone to talk to freely. I can talk or even cry and not worry about discouraging my pdoc.
I am very open with my husband; yet, I also know I sometimes need to be careful not to totally discourage him. He can get depressed, too, and that would be a real mess.
My pdoc knows all of my medical history and is very compassionate while also confirming some realities. We explore: "Just what does it mean if you cannot fully recover?" It's exactly where I have been for years, I'm just starting to face it, because there is no more avoiding it.
I cannot imagine living a life of functioning on this level, which has been minimal functioning. This bout of depression has been horrible. I hope I can recover enough to function better on a daily basis.
WC