Deep inside I know that I HAVE to get better. My physical issues hold me back and my depressions and other mental health issues keep me from focusing on my physical health and doing what needs doing to potentially ease my physical health. I'm stuck in a loop right now and need to break free. When my physical stuff eases, which is rare, my mental takes over, when mental eases, physical roars like a lion on the prowl. Rinse, repeat and that is my life. My oldest son has autoimmune issues and once I told my friend this and she said something to the effect of "he has aids, you shouldn't tell people this" people can be so dumb and inconsiderate. I know all too well the pain of steroid use too. My son was on 80mg daily through IV which is equivalent to over 100 in pill form and the poor guy blew up like a literal balloon, all while going through puberty at the same time. It was all so unfair.

It has to get better, it might not and maybe someday I will be forced to accept things as they are but for now I still have options to try and time does heal a lot of issues. I never thought I'd recover when I had a major episode in my 20's but I soared and accomplished so much after that crash. It's possible, it has to be.

You are beautiful as you are WC, enough, MORE than enough. I want more for you though....you deserve so much more than what happened. Thank you for sharing your story, struggles, pain and truth. Sometimes when I write it all it helps, other times it's so painful. I hope I did not cause you additional pain. (((Hugs)))