Hello Mdp: I see this was your first post here on PC. It's been a few days since you posted it. Welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I don't know if you're still actively with us, or plan to be. There can be a lot of support available here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other members in real time (once you've had 5 posts reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff!

I wanted to tell you that I have had experience with something similar to what you describe although it was many years ago & did oh so much damage to people who deserved infinitely better. I'm glad you went to see a psychiatrist & are giving medication a try. Perhaps it may help. In my case neither psych med's nor therapy have been of any consequence. What I have had to do... what I continue to try to learn to do... is to simply accept that I did what I did & I am the person I am. Take it from me, this is no small task. It's an ongoing struggle I will deal with for the rest of my life.

From what you wrote it sounds to me as though the good thing in all of this (if you can call it that) is that, in the end, it is only yourself you have hurt. It sounds as though your former girlfriend has moved on. I'm sure that sounds like cold comfort to you. But trust me it's preferable to knowing that you irreparably scarred other innocent people as well.

There is a book that's a few years old now written by Jon Kabat-Zinn titled: Full Catastrophe Living- Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness Perhaps you've heard of it? It details the stress reduction program that was developed at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center. In this book Dr. Kabat-Zinn makes the point that before we can move forward with our lives we have to learn to accept ourselves just as we are. The stress reduction program provides a means to accomplish that.

I think it's a good idea to try the med's. You might also consider seeing a counselor or mental health therapist for a period of time. Plus... the simple passage of time itself will help to heal the pain you're experiencing. However, should you find that none of these things are sufficient to heal the hurt inside, then my suggestion is to look for some way of simply coming to accept yourself... just as you are whether that be via a program such as that detailed in Kabat-Zinn's book or via some other program or technique. There are a variety of them out there. It can be a difficult path to follow. But, at least from my perspective, in the end it's the only way. And ultimately you'll be a better person for having tread it. I wish you well...