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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967
I must be missing something here. My daughter has more male friends then female and they're all just friends. I get that you have self esteem problems (I'm really sorry there...I do as well). You are as good as anybody you want to be friends or lovers with. I guess what I'm not getting is how the sex drive comes into it. Have you been caught cheating? Have you had strong friendships that your sex drive ruined? I really want to understand and support you so you don't feel alone.
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I've read several times on here how it's wrong for someone to have opposite sex friends if they're in a relationship. And since I'm technically attracted to both, that rule would probably extend into same sex friends as well?
I'm treated like a lesser to a lot of my peers. I suspect a lot of it is because of both conscious and subconscious sexism in my field. Although a lot of it is because I'm not as successful or financially independent as most of them. I have a job in another field and I'm not treated like that. I grew up learning the message early on that I'm not a person because I don't have a penis.
As for my sex drive (or really, sexuality) ruining friendships...I drifted away from one because I admitted that I suspected I was bisexual, which is against her beliefs. That's fine, but I couldn't be close to her anymore. Then I lost interest altogether. So basically, my sexuality ruined that friendship.
In another instance, I kind of hit on her and I wouldn't have been able to cope if she ended up dating any guys (she was straight so no interest in me). She graduated college before me and moved and we lost touch. I'm afraid to initiate any contact just in case I made her uncomfortable and I don't want to be called a stalker or a creep. (I have gotten those labels in other circumstances.)
And no I've never cheated, but that's because I don't put myself in a position to do so. I've made it a point to keep my distance from other people ever since I've been in a serious relationship.
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Originally Posted by Onward2wards
Right now my face is going through every emotion known to Man, and settling on *facepalm*. What kind of therapy did you get, "Better Living Through Learned Helplessness"!?!?
Seriously though, any therapy (or feedback from others in general) that leaves you feeling worse off than you started was clearly a case of the therapist or technique isn't a good fit, or the practitioner doesn't know how to help you. I don't think abandoning hope in whatever gives you a sense of meaning or satisfaction in life is helpful at all.
There is a diagram known as "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs", NOT "Maslow's Hierarchy of Negotiable Options That Are Kinda Nice But Oh Well"!  I've come to realize just recently that the things that make me feel alive (and therefore non-depressed!!) are in my mind, "highly negotiable and probably not going to happen anyway" (in the words of my inner self-doubts). This is part of MY problem right there! I must not give up on what makes me feel alive - and I hope you won't either! (((((( I.Am.The.End. )))))) |
I just looked over Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and most are not being met. My safety needs certainly aren't. Financial security? Not in this economy. That's why my last therapist was trying to push me to do something in another field that she mistakenly thought was more stable. And I was trying to tell her that I already knew of one person in that field that had just lost his job. And would that mean I'd have to drop out of my doctorate in my field in order to pursue a job in another field that I'm not particularly interested in (I heard how awful it was on a regular basis from my dad growing up).
Obviously my social belonging, esteem, and self-actualization needs are not being met either. I live in an absolutely wrong place for wanting to feel like I belong and can be myself in any way. Unfortunately, unless either my partner or I (who dislikes this place too) can actually get one of the other jobs we applied for in another state, we're probably stuck here.
I'm going to have to avoid people I've known over the last few years in order for them not to find out how much of a failure I am. And so the loneliness is just going to get worse.
Who am I kidding? I'm too much of a loser to pursue friendships.