Totally effed up tonight. But what did I hear on tv the other day... something like "relapse is a part of recovery." **** who am I kidding... I'm making excuses. But for the record, my first step was quitting drinking ALONE and getting screwed up to the point of blackout and making a idiot of myself. Well I know one doesn't go with the other but tonight I worked out... (I was working towards being a personal trainer before I got sick) ...but while drinking. Yea pretty pointless right? No high fives here. But on a lighter note, with the add on of a few meds I can say that (sober) I'm actually stable for once. No moods. No self harm. For once I'm just boring lol.

So take that as you want. Yell at me all you want. Baby steps. I don't do well with big change. It triggers me. So I apologize if I let anyone down. [emoji120] namaste.