Yeah Flowerbell, I've never been able to meditate, though I've tried. My mind cannot clear without extreme distraction it seems. I've always utilized art as therapy too. I thank my mom who is also an artist for teaching me to paint and crochet as a child. I've also turned both painting and crochet into side businesses but that ended when my depression took over and for now, I think adding money into my art/therapy is a bad mix. Crochet is like meditation for me. I zone out and acquire peace and also have something to show for it in the end. Crochet is hard on my hands and wrists though so sometimes I can't do it but when I can, I really should. I've been looking for projects recently and now that you've mentioned the art therapy I think I really need to make it a priority because it's truly helpful. I'd also like to learn an instrument. I was focused on guitar but when I try it's too painful for my arthritic hands. Maybe piano would be more gentle. I could get one of those keyboards perhaps. What do you play? I like to sing too.....I'm not bad at it but far from great. But who knows, maybe I could take singing lessons someday! I think art therapy was a wonderful suggestion and I thank you for it. I never thought of my art as actual therapy but it was. I will ask my provider if they offer something like this.

Hahayeahtotallylol, I wish you the best. Nobody is perfect and we all have dark thoughts sometimes. It doesn't mean we are bad people usually, just that we are hurting and need some help, love and guidance. I hope you get what you need to feel peaceful.