I feel that FetLife is like any other social media site. There's always people there that we don't like or don't agree with & everyone has a different idea of what bdsm means to them.
I've run into issues w/ men bashing me to the point that I can't put where I'm from & then the trolls that leave ugly comments on my pics. So it's hard to weed out the crap.
I do enjoy the discussions & the information. I've learned a great deal there from actual people instead of researching topics on my own.
I have heard of a site I think it's called collarme where they try to match fetishes to other people. I'm not sure if that is the correct name & I haven't been to the site, but I hope you find something that helps!!