You've had some hard knocks in life. I'm sorry about that. I, too, have been bullied...had a dysfunctional family...had an eating disorder...have low self esteem. All of these things take a toll on you. I encourage you to make an appointment with a psychiatrist to be properly diagnosed. Don't be afraid or embarrassed. The traumas and stress you've been through can cause brain chemistry changes. It would also be helpful to see a therapist and start navigating these issues so you're not lugging around a lot of unnecessary baggage. Good luck and best wishes.