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Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

The following anonymously written signs of unhealthy boundaries have circulated among groups such Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, Ala-Teen, etc., for many years and have been modified, in part, for relevance to Extension professionals.
Signs that an at-risk client has unhealthy boundaries:

* Tells all
* Talks at an intimate level at first meeting
* Falls in love with an acquaintance
* Takes as much as possible regardless of need
* Gives as much as he/she can give for the sake of giving
* Believes others should anticipate his/her and fulfill their needs
* Falls apart so someone will take care of them
* Self-abuse
* Goes against personal values or rights to please others
* Allows people to take advantage of him/her
* Food and chemical abuse
* Sexual and physical abuse

Signs that staff working with at-risk clients have unhealthy boundaries:

* Giving your home phone number to clients and/or telling them to call anytime
* Giving intimate information about yourself to clients
* Believing that only you can "save" this person(s)
* Believing that the "system" doesn't understand, but only you do, therefore you must intervene.
* Believing that colleagues don't understand when you discuss/defend your behavior with clients
* Lending clients money
* Physical abuse
* Taking sides in an argument between clients
* Considering yourself "part of the family" with clients
* Experiencing stress induced illnesses such as asthma, angina, back pain, migraines, etc., when involved in interactions with clients

Establishing and Reinforcing Healthy Boundaries

Whitfield (1993) states that individuals must know themselves in order to establish healthy boundaries. The Crisis Prevention Institute (2001) teaches professionals the use of rational detachment to let go of the outcome, without overreacting or acting inappropriately. Extension professionals must find positive outlets for the negative energy a situation creates for them personally to foster a rationally detached view of an unpleasant situation. Szabo (2003) finds that humor induces positive psychological changes that are at least comparable if not superior to the effects of exercise. Extension professionals should make use of talking with and involving colleagues, confidentially, to releases stress and provide feedback and support in successfully setting of boundaries.

Following is some advice about managing healthy boundaries.

1. Distinguish which type of boundary is unhealthy, and discuss with the client how the behavior is inappropriate and how to avoid this in the future.
2. Offer a substituted behavior in place of the inappropriate behavior.
3. Set firm limits with the client, and be prepared to reinforce them. Redirect to the substituted appropriate behavior as necessary.
4. Refer the client to the proper social service agency personnel trained to meet their needs.
5. If the above does not alleviate the situation or the client refuses redirection, inform the client that the professional relationship no longer meets their needs, and withdraw contact.

Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial in working with at-risk audiences because it protects the self through setting limits with clients and increases the effectiveness of carefully planned programs. Extension professionals should continually work to reinforce and develop their own professional boundaries to increase effectiveness and reduce stress as they work with at-risk audiences.
This article is online at http://www.joe.org/joe/2004december/iw5.shtml
Copyright © by Extension Journal, Inc. ISSN 1077-5315.

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Lately I've found the need to check and recheck my personal boundaries. I found the above in a quick google search........it is late and I've been musing over this. Switch the word client with friend or acquaintance and take the professional stuff out of it and see if it makes more sense to you.

Anybody have feedback on healthy boundaries and how it applies to their lives? Is anyone else challenged by this daily? Weekly? Not at all?

My psychic energy is limited so my boundaries are clear as to what I can and cannot handle. I know that boundaries on a mental health site are especially challenging so I'd love to hear what y'all have to say.