"A person who says, "Stay with me because you're not good enough for anyone else." is the manipulator. That's the person who is orchestrating a charade. What orientation you are is kind of beside the point"

He was very manipulative and there were people who knew that. He would say I could never find someone like him like this was as good as it gets.

I felt desperately alone a sure fire sign it wasn't meant to be.

He'd say I couldn't handle a job with stress. and it was no wonder I had no friends left as I was in the psyche ward, it was easy to see why they left.

When I passed my driving test he just tried to put me off saying :I could drive the car but there's no way I could afford to fix it if I crashed so is it worth it. He really knocked my confidence. As he wanted me to remain a shadow of my former self.

"when your drowning you cling to anything to stay afloat."
This makes perfect sense too

I struggled to escape the stigma, I was so ashamed of my self. I couldn't hold down a job, I was dying inside.

All I wanted to do for six years was run away and never come back but I assumed responsibility like a respectable adult, paid my bills, and i soldiered on despite this huge weight on my shoulders.

But you can only fool people for so long...and others begin to sense that overwhelming sadness that surrounds the soul. why wasn't I out with friends and did EVEYTHING with him.

I tried to make him happy I really did. I tried to get him to join football team to find new mates to go drinking with. It wasn t my fault that he burned bridges with his friends. He thought he was a martyr for choosing me over them. One of his pals said he was glad we stayed together but the others must have disapproved or thought I was just a weirdo. So my ex would say I "gave him the life of a dog". When I was the one who would push him when he complained he was bored to do things.
He would try and say that I was the abuser when he took a newspaper home and slapped it in my face with a story of a woman who abused her husband. But its not in my nature. God I hate being the victim

It didn't help that I had a grudge against my family. I blamed them for me not going to university when I also made a choice to not pursue it. So when I moved out, they didn't say I was welcome back anytime and they converted the flat back to two bedrooms instead of three.

So when me and ex finally split up- I ended up homeless. I only left him because my granddad died and something in my head convinced me that life was far to short to live the way I was and I needed to go. I ended up at my grannies but she was impossible to live with. I bent over backwards for her yet all she did was grumble and ***** to people. I was never out at the weekend and people were getting suspicious.

I cut down my meds (I will never do this again) and my old symptoms returned so I ended up in psyche ward for three months and had to declare myself homeless and admit to staff that my family verbally abused me so I could get my own tenancy.

Recovery was a long long process. Today I have made amends with my mum and stepdad. I have a handful of friends, better than nothing. I am at college, as mature student and next year I may do an open uni course or art course.

Every cloud has a silver lining, but you may have to survive the hurricane beforehand