Quote:
Originally Posted by prefabsprout
If you are struggling to make social connections it sometimes helps to have a common interest for conversations, with me sport/exercise is a big part of my social life. I find it so much easier to have activities in common to talk about. But honestly if I am ever stuck for a conversation I always ask people about themselves - most people love to talk about themselves/their jobs/their families, their holidays etc etc.  Things often roll from there - and most people are interesting (if you don't find them so then maybe they aren't the right friend for you). I'm comfortable in smaller groups too btw, and find conversations can be much more interesting and in depth.
Does your partner notice this too (checking that your perception is right of the body language)? Even if they are his friends rather than yours it's not polite not to include you. Maybe raise this with him and see if he can involve you in these conversations too?
It shouldn't be because you are seen as female/an accessory (not unless these are really immature men!), certainly not in my experience anyway. |
I have trouble speaking to musicians as another musician. If that's not something in common, I don't know what is. But still, I don't have anything I'd feel comfortable talking about. Other people are sharing stories but I don't really have one related. Even if I did, unless it's one on one, I wouldn't have a chance to share it anyway. If I'm lucky enough to find a pause in the conversation, I'll be talked over if I begin to speak anyway. I'm not one to keep yelling over people until they listen, so at some point I give up and just sit/stand there.
If I were to actually have the chance to start or continue a conversation, I wouldn't know what specifically to ask (out of the topics you suggested). I could imagine jobs/families/holidays to be touchy subjects for people as someone asking about my family or holidays would get me flustered unless it was someone I knew well. And don't most of those topics end with something to the effect of It's/They're fine.
And I don't know if he notices I get excluded in conversations. He's had to work on not excluding me in a conversation between the two of us. He's gotten better at it though. But he may not notice with other people. I have an incredibly difficult time figuring out the rhythm of a conversation...as in when to speak. I pretty much have no chance in a group unless they bring me in. He tries to bring me in but he does it in a way that makes me feel embarrassed and nervous (not on purpose) so that doesn't help.