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Old May 25, 2017, 04:07 PM
Olive303 Olive303 is offline
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Member Since: May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
No amount of therapy changes a persons basic character and personality, IMHO. He is who he is. Whether or not it's worth putting up with his anger depends on the value of his positive qualities. No one can weigh that out for you. No one on earth can tell you what is, or isn't, a deal breaker. Only you can decide that.

You seem to want to come to a decision that your family will be okay with. You say you have a history of being passive and letting your family decide things for you. Only you can decide whether you want to continue that approach to life. To my way of thinking, this is your life and what your sister thinks has nothing to do with anything. Does she reject boyfriends based on whether or not you like them? The future is uncertain, but here is what is most likely to happen: Your parents will eventually die and your sister will eventually be busy with her own husband and children. At the point, all you will really have is the life you make with the partner of your choice. You'll see family on holidays, but you'll eat, sleep and live with the man you select almost every day for, hopefully, many many years. I think you should choose a life partner6 based on what you want for you.

How things go when mom and sister visit isn't that important. They won't be staying all that long. What matters is how happy you are being with this man after they're gone.

Thank you thank you thank you! I really needed to hear that. As someone who is easily influenced your words are very empowering.

Part of the reason that I was happy to move in the first place was in search of greater independence from my family. At least until I have done some soul searching. I was hoping to find that once I've settled in more with a job and have made my own friends.

Part of me wants to please them and the other part of me knows that their concerns have validity. My family has not liked anyone I have ever dated, and I have liked all of them. You are correct about me being the one living with him every day but I always imagined my parents and sister being close by and seeing them much more than holidays. My boyfriend and I have agreed to move back near them once we finish our education. However I know that ultimately the decision is mine.

I am one of those people who wonders how each decision will affect me 20,30,40 years later and I doubt this relationship because I don't know what will make me happy 30 years from now. Or what he will be like with children involved. Do we ever really know?
Thanks for this!
Rose76