I'm so sorry for this experience. It must be taking away any sense of control you felt you had.
I wish I had some wise words that would help you.

I do know that we are here to listen and perhaps if you kept posting on this thread (a journal of sorts) then you will feel a little stronger for that?
We can be here to hold your hand through the screen and help get you through the next week.

I think it's perfectly okay to check under the bed if it makes you feel better. Check your closet if it makes you feel better. Sleep with a baseball bat. Anything and everything goes....