I'm having issues speaking. I feel so much more closed off than ever before. I can't talk to people I'm supposed to trust. It's not even that I don't trust them.

I don't know. I feel so distant from everybody. Cut off from the present. What happened, all of it, is over. It's done. And yet, I'm still back there.

People around me don't get that. They don't understand what this is like. How could they? They didn't live with it. I don't blame them but that's not the point. The point is that I feel so alone.

I'm defective. No one can repair me. And I'm alone.