The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life after 31 years of abuse..marriage. THe on again, off again pattern keeps you stuck, although you are NOT stuck; you do have a choice. One sentence helped me to leave: "Try to let the side of you that is trying to save yourself......win." Abuse damages the immune system, every time you are under stress, the body releases cortisol (cortisol damages the immune system). I hope you will find the courage (and make a plan) to leave the abuser. What also helped me was reading that book and all of the information I could on verbal abuse. xo Abuse is about one thing and one thing only: CONTROL...abusers are excruciatingly insecure and will do and say anything to keep control over you. They don't hear you and don't care about your feelings. It is systematic brainwashing....literally.