I'm on the train with the nutty driver:

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen to MBTA's Green Line Service! We're cruising at a speed of 5mph with a slight drizzle here on the ground. Please keep all limbs inside the train and at every stop we're stopping at, please note that we will be stopping!"

"Welcome to MBTA's Copley Station! This like all other MBTA stations has connections to various bus routes! If you'd like to transfer to a bus, this and all other MBTA stations will be a great choice for you. For you new Bostonians, here is Train Tip #73: don't get stuck on the train! If someone is blocking the door, make some noise, because you'll never see them again! Thank you for choosing the Green Line."

"Welcome passengers to Boylston Street Station! Hey graduating seniors, who can tell me who Ward Nicholas Boylston was and when he was born? Your next train ride's on me! Thank you for choosing MBTA!"