Henceforth i became SELF DESTRUCTIVE, self sabotage u name it

So at 17 i ended up in a really risky sexual episode. It was part rebelling, part of me being self destructive, part because my friends bullied me for being a virgin. My friends always had their own agendas so we often split up. So i got speaking to a co-worker. He offered me a lift, we went back to another guys house. I was drunk and mentally messed up. Had sex with one guy and he said will you give my friend a shot. And reality hit, what did i just do, I'm in danger. But too late. This gut tried to force me into things but i was strong and i was a blackbelt so i fended him off and they let me be. I was so drunk id pissed the bed while having sex, i used to get in such terrible messes with alcohol. No drugs thank god. But word went round that id willingly participated in an orgy and the guy had actually recorded us having sex and i didn't know. Soemone said i should have jumped out the car. I was screwed up and this just made everything worse. One "friend" ahem, took great joy in calling me naïve saying i had a lucky escape. Where about six years later some guy went past me in the pub and shouted "slut" in my ear. This was partly why i left my possessive boyfriend and moved away.

I hope i don't get judged for this. But i don't want pity either.

And no my drink was not spiked. Was alcohol and one ecstacy tablet. I didn't tell the police i was raped even though i was deeply ashamed of my actions like many girls do. And i feel no resentment to theses guys who obviously have wonky moral compasses