I am recently out of a 2.75 year relationship with my old t. She crossed boundaries, blurred lines, broke the ethics rules all in order to fill her own needs. We were both attached to each other. We formed an outside loving relationship (close, non-sexual friendship) also. Things were "wonderful" for the most part (though there were always push/pull and other odd behaviors from her) up until last fall when she started to change for some reason. She became somewhat emotionally abusive and then when Christmas hit, it was full on emotional abuse with most of it occurring in and around therapy. In the end, she blamed and shamed me for everything that had happened -- everything that she did. She made as if she did nothing wrong and the outside relationship never even existed. She disappeared and totally hung me out to dry, knowing full well how it would "destroy" me. And it was an added bonus for me, too, in that I paid a so-called professional therapist thousands of dollars to do this to me. So I do understand the sometimes indescribable, unbelievable pain you are in.

I'm terribly sorry this happened to you. Understand that you did not ask for this, nor is any of it your fault. It was the sole responsibility of your t to uphold healthy, emotionally safe boundaries for you from day one. He didn't do that...because he couldn't. He was incapable of putting your most basic therapy needs first. He chose to serve his own needs first (probably subconsciously). That doesn't mean he didn't care about you or didn't love you. It means he is very mentally unwell himself.

Allowing yourself to grieve properly, being validated by others, focusing on your self, not blaming yourself, giving up what you can't control will lead to acceptance which is essential to healing. I hope your new t is experienced with good, healthy boundaries and can help you to process some of this stuff safely. Also, arm yourself with knowledge on therapist abuse and emotional abuse, when you are ready. This is a good site here: TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

Just know and remember: You did not ask for this. You did nothing to deserve this. What happened to you was not fair. This is not your fault. It does get better.

It also helps to talk to someone who has been in a similar situation. So feel free to PM me with anything, anytime you like.