when I was having a problem having this problem I excused it away in many ways...

im a lesbian of course I would not get satisfaction from any form of penetration... turns out this is an old wives tale told to children and adults back in the days that masturbation was seen as taboo and lesbianism was seen as such things as mental illness and witch craft.

women dont enjoy sex enough so they have a hard time having orgasms (again false myth it is no more difficult for women to have vaginal orgasms then it is for a man to have wet dreams, hard ons and ejaculation)

through couples therapy I learned that any woman can have vaginal orgasms very easily. sex isnt just about the physical body parts its mental too. it also takes educating one self on their body and feelings..

for example I did not realize that "squirting" or as some people call it flooding or peeing the bed during sex was not something that had to happen in order for it to be called an orgasm...

an orgasm is just the name put on the feeling of reaching ones own highest point during sexual activity. everyone has their own "high point" its not the same for everyone. that feeling of being satisfied/ happy/

physically sometimes during an orgasm theres a feeling of shakiness, tenseness and for some contractions similar to labor pains. but its not always that intense sometimes when a female has an orgasm they may just feel a slight wave or two.

when my couples therapist explained this to me I realized I had already been having orgasms through penetration.

Suggestions that worked for me in recognizing my orgasms and achieving them...

never enter sex during or after an argument, my mind is more on the fight then the feeling of love and wonder of the human body and how touch can awaken the body in all kinds of ways.

experiment, know what I like and want, when I find something that feels good and makes my body react in any way explore and experiment with that. I cant tell my partner what turns me on if I dont know that myself. Masturbation is not a big taboo. no more than holding hands and tracing my fingers or toes, massaging them or brushing my hair and noticing how good that feels. the human body is full of wonders I just have to be open to exploring those wonders.

Dont just focus on just the vagina. I have learned that there are many erogenous zones on the body its not all "down there" ever wonder why it feels so good to get a back massage or brush ones hair, how rubbing ones arms or cheeks feel good.... I have discovered the human body is full of nerves that take in textures and touches that can lead to sexual arousal and orgasms.

when using objects make sure they fit. it doesnt work for me it the object is too big or too small or scratches and well you get the point. same with partners body part no one wants the pain of their partner too big and hitting the ovaries.. Ive been told by my couples therapist that this is the equivalent of a guy getting kicked in the balls.

and over all i have discovered for me its best not to focus on what I want to achieve (the orgasm) focus on the love and fun of the activity. one way to kill a good time in me is to to be in the mind set of gotta have an orgasm gotta have an orgasm, instead of wow that felt good when you did that or when I did that....