When I experience bouts of depression, it hurts so bad and I want to escape the feelings.

But then, I begin to hang on to the painful feelings. I don't want to feel better.

I think it's because it's a way to try to escape from life, that I can sink into mental illness and not be held responsible for anything anymore.

I get tired of trying. I give up.

Has anyone else every found themselves wanting to hang on to depression?

I feel like a really bad person by having these feelings.