I had two boys before I showed bipolar and psychotic symptoms. After that I decided I couldn't have another baby; I'm too afraid I would go psychotic again and do something terrible. I know I don't *want* to do terrible things, but people don't understand how real the strangest things seem when you're psychotic unless they've been there. People wonder how some parents do horrible things to their children when they're mentally ill, and they just don't get how sick a person can really be. Like, what if I got it in my head that putting the baby into the oven would make him evolve into a dragon? Or something equally as strange? I can't risk going psychotic with a helpless child. I'd love to have a baby again but I can't do it.