Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Sorrow
Have you ever feel like you're wasting your life? Like you're nothing, but a deliberate loser?
I've been feeling like this for a long time. I'm the most ****ing useless piece of **** out of all human beings because of extremely dumb mistakes I've made. I remember how this **** started. I was going through extreme self-consciousnesses and anxiety that began to ruin my grades, my relationships and my identity. I tried to cope with it, but pretty much failed every day ( I knew I should have ignored all the ****** thoughts, accepted myself and stopped being selfish, so I had the right way...) Now, there's no more of that ********, but I know I'm a total zero. My potential is being just thrown out of the window and my brain literally hurts because it just hasn't been challenged for so long. I'm not even communicating with my friends anymore and my grades are screwed. I feel like doing nothing and I'm wasting whole days being on the internet and doing things I don't even enjoy. The most horrifying thing is that I'm totally ok with wasting all this time, despite the consequences. That's pretty dumb... I totally don't care about anything, even my basic needs and being kind of a self-destructive 0. Have any of you been in that crap? Did you get out and become successful later in life?
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I've felt that way several times. I've made tons of mistakes over the years, but I've survived and have done ok. I often think about how things could have been different if I had made different decisions, about how professionally I could be in a much better place than I am. For the most part I try try to accept that I am where I am and that it could be worse.
Are you seeing a therapist? If not, I would highly recommend starting it because you mention anxiety and seem to have low self-esteem. If that isn't financially possible, can you reach out to someone at school (I think, from what you wrote you are in college?) maybe in the counseling area.
Finally, please accept one thing. You are not a loser. Maybe you just aren't into what you are studying, maybe you need to take a look at that and decide on a different area of study. Maybe college (if I'm correct in my assumption) isn't right for you at this point in time. Sometimes the traditional path in life just isn't right for someone.