Hi Monty,

I put a trigger on my response, just in case I accidentally say something that might trigger someone.

I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. And so sorry brother has to have another surgery. I know that is bringing up all sorts of stuff for you too. I hope he will be okay.

I have a similar concern. I have never felt like this is my body. It's just the storage unit so to speak for the parts of my brain I guess (in my mind). T and I have talked about this extensively because it affects my health detrimentally at times. She has thoughts as to what the reasons are (and there are reasons), but my brain is rather non accepting right now.

She has said that she does have clients that have similar distortions (that have DID) but not all of them feel this way. So, I don't know the percentage of DIDers that feel this way but it seems as if it's not completely unusual (which means we are normal! ).

Because of this feeling, it's SO hard to take care of the body here. Whether it's not eating, throwing up or just plain disregard, not having the mindset that we own this body and that we only have one takes its toll on the body itself. For me, it's almost like me, my part, resides in a separate area of the body, not included in the body, and not touching the body (Not sure that makes any sense...).

I do not know if all the parts of my brain feel the same, but there is at least one part of the brain that is obsessive about exercise at times and about health stuff. I don't know if that part has a connection with the body or not. Also, I don't know if the throwing up part connects with the body. For me, it does not. I am separated during those times.

Also I do sometimes wonder about the part of the brain that self injures. Do they have any connection to the body? Some of the things that are done are most likely (according to T) things that were done to them in the past. But with some things, like cutting, etc, it seems like they know it's their body but want to hurt it. I just don't know.

I'm sorry I don't have any real answers, only observations about what goes on for me at times. I'm not sure if what I've said about what goes on here even makes sense

I hope things get better for you soon Monty. I know you are struggling a lot right now. I wish I could take it for you for a while, so that you could have a much needed rest.