by friends, i don't mean online, i mean i want friends to hang out with in person and laugh with it....

so all my life I've wanted a male friend, because i feel they are easier to talk to. i was not allowed to have male friends outside of school until i was 18 and surely never allowed to date.

since then i struggle to make friends with guys, I've had a few but none lasted more than a few months.

i get frustrated because i also seem to be tormented by the universe in the sense that i meet great guys sometimes i think we would be great friends but for various reasons i can't be friends with them

for example... my dogs vet, I've known 12 years, we joke around when i am in there with my dogs, i email him sometimes but he is married with kids and its not ok to be buddies outside of that. it really sucks because i know we would be great friends

my therapist, he doesnt tell me tons about himself but i know enough to know we could also be good friends, and we joke around and tease each other, he lets me email him and seems more than happy to reply, but obviously not only is he married but also my therapist so again, it can't happen

i just don't understand why i either scare guys away in person or i meet great guys i can't be friends with

like what is wrong with me..... someone out there must really hate me, it seriously frustrates me to no end