Thanks, JD.

I was warm in T's office, so she said it was OK to open her window. If the therapist next door (in same practice) also had her window open, she could have heard me. And I was referring to MC by his first name, so she could have figured out who I meant. I have no evidence of that, of course (and I shut window near the end). (MC's office is two away, and I don't think he has windows on that side, so not so concerned about him overhearing.)

I think it's also that I sent MC an e-mail Thursday saying I actually *wasn't* freaking out or upset after Monday's appointment (where I was rather critical of him at the end), that I know he expected me to e-mail with that, but I wasn't feeling that. And I tried to explain more what I was saying when I was critical of him in session (the session with him, not with T). Because I felt like it could seem like I'm contradicting myself (saying I want him to fix me, then saying I'm worried he thinks I'm the broken one in the marriage).

I said at the end that "of course you know I always appreciate a response, but if you don't have time before Monday, I understand." Which is my head is like "OK, I basically told him he didn't have to respond." Of course, I was fine for 2 days, now I'm very slightly concerned. I know it's a holiday weekend, his daughter likely has her high school graduation soon (I'm wondering if that's why he's off some next week), so maybe they're having a party or something or traveling or who knows? So I'm sure it's nothing. (And it's not like I'm obsessively checking my e-mail like I usually would, just a little thing in the back of my mind.)

So it's probably mostly guilt about talking about him behind his back, plus being critical to his face and a bit via e-mail. It's like I want to text him and be like "I'm sorry, I still love you of course" but I won't!